


Connected

by Thotful_writing



Category: Adam Driver - Fandom, Kylo Ren - Fandom, Star Wars, The Force Awakens - Fandom, The Last Jedi, ben solo - Fandom
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Choking, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Intimacy, Oral Sex, Sexual Tension, Smut, Torture, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-04
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-07-24 22:58:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16184972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thotful_writing/pseuds/Thotful_writing
Summary: The First Order comes across a freighter, a passenger on board is not registered and missing the proper papers. They take you and lock you in the commander's quarters. What will Kylo Ren do with you when he arrives?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Star Wars fanfiction. I really liked writing this one and want to make it multiple chapters, delving into the relationship between Kylo and the reader. Please let me know what you think.

You sat on the floor, trembling, scared, and confused at why you were here, wondering what was going to happen to you. Looking down at your dirt covered clothing and hands, all you could think of is getting out of this place. You were immediately pulled from your thoughts as the door opened. Your heart pounded in your chest as the commander of the First Order stood towering over you. He paced in front of you glaring at you, you were too afraid to look directly into his eyes, so you set your gaze to his feet. 

“Who are you?” he asked in a curt voice.

“I-I’m nobody, p-please don’t kill me.” You stuttered.

“Why are you here?” His tone never wavering.

“I-I was on a freighter and your s-ship stopped us, I-I didn’t have any papers, so they t-took me and told me to wait in here, so you could decide what to do with me.” Your entire body was shaking with fear.

“You’re of no use to me. I’ll send you home.” He walked over to the interface on the wall.

“Now, where are you from?” He asked as he pushed a few buttons.

Tears started to stream down your face, you had no home, no family, no friends. You had hitched a ride on the freighter going where ever it took you, that’s how you lived most of your life up to this point, wandering with no real destination. Kylo turned to see why you hadn’t responded yet, he saw the tears streaming down, making a path in the dirt on your face, your body trembling. 

“What’s wrong with you? Don’t you want to go home?” His tone was much louder as he was annoyed with your crying.

“I-I don’t have a home to go to. I don’t have anyone.” You said in a hushed voice.

Kylo’s face softened at your confession, he knelt to your position on the floor, and tucked a few strands of hair behind your ear. Normally he would have just gotten rid of you, but seeing you like this, lonely, dirty, and weakened he didn’t want to cause any more pain to you.

“You may stay, if you’d like. You wouldn’t officially be part of the First Order, but you could be an assistant to me. You won’t be able to stay in any quarters, but you may stay in mine, I don’t use it often.” He didn’t know why he was offering all of this to a random person, but he felt a connection to your plight. 

“Thank you for your kindness.” You finally looked up into his eyes, they were dark but there was something soft at the same time. 

Your words obviously struck a chord in him, he immediately stood up and moved away from you. You continued to look up at him as he stared down at you.

“It’s not kindness I have for you, it’s pity.” His words cut you deeply, he turned and left as you stayed sitting on the floor.

After a few moments you started wandering around his quarters, looking at all the books he had on the shelves, gently touching them with your fingers. You looked at your hands, they were filthy, you decided to take a shower. As you stepped under the water the dirt began to pool at your feet, you couldn’t remember the last time you had an actual shower. You stayed in there for a while, until your fingers began to prune. You stepped out looking for a towel when you turned to the door, Kylo had returned and was watching you intently. You tried to cover yourself with your hands but weren’t very successful. Kylo stepped into the bathroom, he moved within inches of your naked body, his hand moved past you and grabbed a towel from the cabinet behind you. You took it from his hand and covered your body, he walked out of the bathroom but returned shortly.

“This is all I have.” He said as he handed you a white t-shirt, you grabbed it as he turned and left the bathroom.

“Thank you.” You quickly dropped the towel and pulled the shirt over your head, it was large on you and covered most of your body.

You cautiously walked into the main area, looking for Kylo, he was standing next to the bed undressing. His body was much broader than you thought, his muscles were well defined, you bit your bottom lip as you continued to watch. Your mind began to wander as you pictured his strong hands covering your body, touching every inch of you. You were quickly snapped from your thoughts by Kylo’s voice.

“You’re going to have to stop that.” He said as he stared at you.

“Stop what?” As far as you knew you hadn’t done anything but stand there.

“Thinking those things about me. I can hear your thoughts.” 

“Maybe you shouldn’t be listening to my private thoughts.” You immediately put your hand over your mouth, you had momentarily forgotten who you were with and regretted every single word.

Kylo slowly made his way towards you, like a predator moving in on his prey. Your heart began to pound loudly. He was standing directly in front of you, gazing down, your eyes looked up to meet his. He brought one of his hands up and lightly gripped your throat.

“You might want to watch what you say before that mouth gets you into trouble little girl.” And with that he released your throat and walked over to the bed.

You stood there for a few minutes, mulling his warning over in your head. You couldn’t help but sense the sexual undertones in his warning, maybe he liked the thoughts you were having? Maybe he liked seeing your naked body in the shower?

“Stop.” You heard him command from the bed. 

It was going to be hard to control your thoughts around him. You looked around for another bed or a couch or something but didn’t see anything.

“Um, where am I supposed to sleep?” You spoke softly.

“I don’t care. The floor.” He snapped.

You walked over to the corner and sat down, curling into a ball you drifted off to sleep. A few hours had passed, and you were shivering, it was too cold without a blanket. You glanced up at the bed, it looked so warm. You wondered if he would notice if you crawled into it with him?

“Fine. Just stay on the other side of the bed.” He answered your question half asleep.

You jumped up and ran to the bed, climbing under the warm blanket bringing your body temperature back up. You laid there facing Kylo, his breathing was deep and he didn’t seem so intimidating while he was sleeping. You couldn’t help but worry about what was going to happen to you now. As your thoughts wandered you began to fall asleep.

It’s hot. Too hot. Why is it so hot? You started to think to yourself, half asleep and burning up. You opened your eyes to see a half-naked Kylo wrapped around your body. You tried to shift your body out from under him, but he was too heavy. As you wiggled and squirmed Kylo hugged your body to him, you could feel his growing erection against your side, you moved again, and he sleepily opened his eyes. Once it registered with him what he was doing he immediately pulled away from you, leaving you both speechless as to what just happened. Kylo quickly got out of the bed and made his way to the bathroom. You sat up confused and a little turned on, a blush spread across your face.

After his shower Kylo returned and got dressed, you were sitting at the table reading a book. You glanced up at him when you didn’t think he was looking. He started walking towards the door to leave when you stood up.

“Wait, what do you want me to do?” You were fidgeting with the hem of your shirt.

“Make yourself useful, clean my quarters. I’ll be back tonight.” His voice was stern.

“But what ab-“ Before you could finish he had left. 

What am I supposed to do for clothing? You thought to yourself. If he wanted his quarters cleaned, you were going to do the best job you could. You finished cleaning the bathroom and straightening things in the main room when someone buzzed at the door. 

“Um come in?” you said hesitantly.

A stormtrooper entered carrying a box, he walked in and sat it on the table, then turned and left just as quickly as he had entered.  
You walked over to the box, there was a note on the top:

-Some things you may need- K

You opened it quickly to find some clothes, pants, dresses, shirts, everything you needed. He must have heard your thoughts before he left. You put on one of the dresses, it was low-cut, short and had cut outs around your shoulders, and a beautiful dark red color. You were curious if he had picked these out himself or had someone else do it.

You finished the cleaning and sat on the bed to read until Kylo returned. You must have worn yourself out because you drifted off to sleep on the bed. Kylo walked in to see you sleeping soundly, his breath caught in his throat a little when he saw your dress had ridden up and he could see your perfect round ass completely and couldn’t help but stare. He remembered he had forgotten to add panties to the box he had sent to you. A task for tomorrow for sure. He began removing his clothing when you stirred, a small moan left your parted lips. Your body tensed up and you began talking in your sleep, “no, please, leave me alone, no don’t!” Kylo could sense your emotions had changed to panic and fear, he climbed onto the bed next to you and pulled your body against his. You continued to jerk in your sleep. He held you close.

“Shhh, it’s alright, you’re alright.” He whispered into your ear.

You immediately woke up when you heard him speak. At first you were confused as to where you were, but you began to remember, Kylo gently released you from his body and stayed lying next to you. You turned over to see him watching you. You stayed silent, staring into each other’s eyes for a while.

“Thank you for the clothes.” You spoke softly.

“Are they all to your liking?” His voice was low.

“Yes, they’re perfect, I-“ 

You were cut off before you could say more, Kylo crashed his lips into yours, he put one hand on the side of your face and kissed you passionately and deeply. He was gentle, and firm at the same time, you moved your body flush against his, feeling his strong body against yours. Kylo continued to kiss you, running his hands through your hair. He pulled back from the kiss, leaving you breathless and panting for more. He sat up and got off the bed.

“I shouldn’t have done that. I apologize.” He ran his hands through his hair as he walked to the bathroom.

You sat up in the bed, wondering if you had done something wrong, maybe he didn’t like the way you kissed, or maybe you weren’t his type. What is the commander of the First Order’s type anyways? You thought to yourself. Probably tall like him, strong, well dressed, definitely not a dirty girl pulled from a freighter.

“You’re wrong.” Kylo murmured to himself.

Kylo stood in the bathroom, not meaning to, but listening to all of the thoughts you were having. He wanted to continue kissing you, but he didn’t want to get attached, knowing your presence was fleeting and that you would leave eventually. He stayed in the bathroom for quite some time, hesitant to return to you, not knowing what to say. He finally returned to the room to find you had changed into one of his shirts and fallen asleep in the bed. He stared at your sleeping form, so soft and supple, he moved to gently trace his fingers from your ankle up your thigh. 

As Kylo was touching your leg an alarm sounded causing him to jump and you to wake up immediately. Someone buzzed at the door, Kylo told them to enter. 

“Sir, it’s the Resistance, they’re attacking one of our fleets.” The stormtrooper spoke precisely.

“Ready the ships.” The stormtrooper left as Kylo moved to get dressed.

“What’s going on?” You asked, panicking while the alarms still sounded.

“There’s an attack, I have to go.” He said shortly as he put his shoes on.

“Wait, you can’t go, you can’t leave me here.” You sat up on the bed moving towards him.

“I can, and I must. I’ll be back shortly. Don’t leave this room.” His voice was stern, he quickly walked out the door.

The alarm finally cut off, the room was silent, you sat wide awake fidgeting with your fingers. You tried to lay back down and sleep, but your mind was full of worry for Kylo. You decided to stay up and read until he returned, which would be soon, right? You made your way through a few books before passing out from exhaustion. You stretched out across the bed, but didn’t feel Kylo next to you, you sat up and looked around, but he was nowhere in the room. You looked at the time, it had been almost 10 hours since you saw him last. Your mind began to flood with thoughts, where was he? Is he hurt? What happens if he never comes back? Why did he have to leave you? Your heart began to pound, you started to pace the floor, not knowing what to do. 

Suddenly the door opened and Kylo limped in, his clothes were burned slightly, you could see cuts in his clothing and blood beneath it. You ran over to him, wrapping your arms around him tightly as you began to sob into his chest. Kylo was taken aback by your actions and stood still, he slowly put his arms around your body, gripping you tightly. You pulled back to look him over, to make sure he wasn’t bleeding out anywhere. 

“Remove your shirt and sit down.” You commanded him, running to the bathroom to get some alcohol and a washrag. 

When you returned he had removed his shirt and was standing in the middle of the room. 

“I said sit down. Now.” You pointed to the chair, he walked over and sat down.

You wiped the cloth across one of the cuts on his chest, making him flinch, he grabbed your hand and tried to push you away. 

“I have to clean your cuts, or you’ll get infected.” You moved to touch him again, but he pushed your hand away.

“I don’t need your help.” His voice was loud.

“You’re going to get it whether you want it or not.” You pushed his arms down to his side and straddled his lap, it was the best way to make sure he wouldn’t move. 

You brought the cloth back up to his cuts and cleaned each of them gently. Kylo sat watching you intensely, watching your face, every time you touched one of his cuts you scrunched your face, as if wincing in pain for him. You were the most captivating and kind person he had ever met, and he couldn’t hold himself back anymore. He grabbed the rag from your hands and threw it down, he wrapped his arms around you and pressed you into him. He began kissing you tenderly, never loosening his grip around you. 

You moved your hips against his growing erection, letting out a soft moan as the fabric of his pants rubbed against your exposed clit. Kylo noticed your sensitivity and pulled you further down onto him, making you moan again.

Kylo stood up, holding your body against him, never breaking away from your lips, you wrapped your legs tightly around him. He walked over and sat you down on the bed, he finally broke the kiss and stepped back to remove the rest of his clothes. He was fully naked, you looked down at his cock, already completely hard, and big, you started to wonder how he was going to fit. 

“You’ll adjust baby.” Kylo answered your question before you could ask.

He grabbed the hem of your shirt and lifted it over your head, he stared down at your naked body, admiring every curve. He gave you a quick kiss and placed his hand on your chest, pushing you back onto the bed. You started to wonder if this was the time to tell him you had never had sex before?

“You’re a virgin?” Kylo moved back surprised.

“I-I mean I’ve done other stuff, just not sex.” You sat up and looked down feeling small under his gaze.

“Are you sure you want to do this, with me?” He placed his finger under your chin and lifted your face to meet his gaze.

You said nothing but nodded your head in approval. Kylo leaned in and kissed you tenderly. He started kissing and licking your neck, making your breath hitch in your throat. He gently pushed you back down on the bed and brought his hands to your breasts, massaging them gently as he kissed his way down to one of your nipples. He licked it until it hardened, then he gave it a small bite, pulling it gently with his teeth, making you moan again. He was being so gentle and loving with you, the complete opposite of how he’d been since you arrived. He continued his trail of kisses down your body until he reached your center. He spread your legs open, so he would have better access to you, he placed small kisses on both of your thighs before shoving his tongue into your slick folds. He licked up from your center, reaching your clit and swirling his tongue around it, making you moan loudly, that sound was quickly becoming his favorite. You bucked your hips when he eased one finger into you, as he kept his tongue centered on your clit. 

“Stay still.” Kylo growled, he returned to his task, adding another finger into your center. 

The pleasure was overwhelming, you could feel every nerve pulsating as he touched and licked you. You started to move, trying to push Kylo’s head away, to give your clit a break from the pleasure. He placed one arm over your body to hold you in place.

“Still baby.” He said between breaths. 

You could feel your orgasm building, so close, suddenly Kylo stopped everything, he withdrew his fingers and moved his face from your center. You sat up on your elbows, looking down at him.

“Hey, that’s not fair.” You pouted at him. 

“Don’t pout, you’ll get to come soon enough sweetheart.” He pushed you back down as he climbed on top of you. 

“This may hurt a little, if you want me to stop tell me and I will. Understand?” His voice was low and calming.

You nodded your head again, he moved forward, pressing the tip of his cock into your opening. You winced and nuzzled your face into his neck. 

“Do you want me to stop?” he stilled himself.

“Please don’t.” You whimpered. 

He started moving again, easing himself into you, inch by inch, slowing down to let you adjust to his size. Once he was all the way in he stayed still. 

“I’m going to move now.” He slowly pulled out of you and eased back in again.

You no longer felt pain but started to feel the pressure of your orgasm build again. Kylo continued his slow movements, in and out, he felt so good buried deep inside of you, but you needed more.

“P-please…” You whined.

“What is it? What do you need?” 

“Faster, go faster.” You begged.

“Okay baby hold on to me.” He breathed against your ear. 

You moved your hands up to grip his shoulders, He pulled out and thrust into you hard, making you gasp. He started moving faster, thrusting in and out of you, your body jolted against his as you held onto him. You could feel your orgasm getting closer, your walls began tightening around Kylo’s cock. 

“Come for me baby.” He whispered into your ear.

His words were your undoing and you found your release, your body shook, and you tightened your grip around Kylo’s shoulders, digging your fingers into his skin. Pleasure was radiating from every nerve ending in your body as you slowly came back down. Kylo continued to thrust into you fast and hard, pushing you towards another orgasm quickly. He could tell you were close again, he reached one hand down and gently rubbed his thumb over your clit, the pleasure was too much. You moaned out his name as another orgasm slammed into you, Kylo soon found his own release inside you. You lay there for a moment, trying to catch your breath, Kylo slowly pulled out of you. 

Kylo moved forward and stroked your cheek, you leaned into his touch and reveled in the softness he was showing you. He rubbed his thumb across your bottom lip, you opened your mouth and licked it lightly.

“Eager for more sweetheart?” A grin spread across his face.

You didn’t answer, instead you bit down on his thumb and give him the sweetest smile. Kylo pulled his thumb from your mouth and immediately pounced on top of you.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Kylo were getting to know each other, slowly. There was still so much you wanted to know about him so you tried to get him to open up, which backfired on you in the best possible way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I originally had this as part of Chapter 3, but decided to split them up so I could write more in Chapter 3 without making it super long. This Chapter is super smutty. Enjoy :)

You laid on your stomach, stretched across the bed, watching Kylo get dressed. Things have been…different since you started having sex. He was still his brooding self, most of the time, except when he was buried deep inside you, that’s when he showed his vulnerability and emotions. You knew you were developing feelings for him but worried he would never reciprocate. Kylo finished getting dress and walked over to where you were lying on the bed.

“What are you going to do today?” He asked as he leaned down and hovered over your face.

“I’ll find something to get into I’m sure.” You beamed up at him.

“Don’t get into too much trouble sweetheart.” He pressed his lips into yours and kissed you deeply.

Kylo was getting use to having another person around and sharing a few things about himself, but he was still closed off. When you brought up anything personal he would either find an excuse to leave or distract you with sex. You wanted to know more about him though, you had to come up with a plan to make him talk.   
Kylo returned later that night, he asked about your day, of course you went into detail about the boring nothingness you did all day, when you asked about his all he said was it was fine. He still wasn’t giving anything up. He showered, grabbed a book and came to lie next to you in the bed, it was time to put your plan into action. You quickly jumped on top of him, straddling his waist, you grabbed his book and threw it in the floor.

“Hey, what’s gotten into you?” He looked at you confused.

“I want to talk, like really talk, I want to know more about you.” 

“I can think of something else we could do instead.” He gripped your hips and pressed you down onto his growing erection.

“No, no distractions.” You grabbed his hands and placed them on his stomach.

“What’s in it for me?” 

“It would make me really happy and after we could do something you want to do.” You smiled sweetly at him as you wiggled your hips against his lap. 

“Alright, you get three questions, then I’m going to fuck you into oblivion.” His words made your heart skip a beat.

“Deal. First question, how as your day? And I want details.” 

“It was fine, we got some new information about the Resistance and General Hux wasn’t too much of a pain today. Two more.” He began to lightly run his fingers up and down your thighs.

“W-what’s your favorite thing to do?” His touch was becoming distracting as he moved his hands further up, pushing your panties down and tracing the outside of your slick folds.

“Aside from you? I like training, pushing myself to become stronger and better. One more.” He started to rub circles around your clit, a soft moan escaping your lips. 

“You’re not being fair.” You looked down at him pouting.

“Being fair was not part of our deal, now you have one more question.” He continued rubbing your clit with his thumb as he inserted one finger inside your wet center. 

“Kylo, please…” You moaned softly. 

“That’s not a question little girl. Come on, one more and I’ll let you come.” He said teasingly. 

“H-have you ever b-been in love?” You stuttered, your orgasm getting closer. 

“No.” He removed his fingers from you, making you whine at the sudden absence. 

Kylo pushed your panties to the side as he pulled his cock out and slowly pressed it into your center. This was your first time being on top, he always made a point to be the one in control. You stayed still, waiting for him to say or do something.

“Move, baby.” He commanded, his large hands gripping your hips.

You started to move up and down, slowly, getting used to the full feeling from his hard cock. You began to move faster, bouncing up and down as Kylo held onto your hips, you threw your head back as you moaned his name, he was deeper inside you in this position and the feeling was amazing. Kylo’s hands squeezed into your hips, you could feel your orgasm coming, closer. He thrusted up into you a few more times and you were pushed over the edge, your body convulsed, every nerve ending felt like it was on fire with pleasure. 

Kylo held onto you and flipped you over onto your back. He gripped your thigh roughly and began pounding into you, you came down from your orgasm as another one started building. 

“Come for me again baby.” He spoke in a low breathless tone.

He continued thrusting into you, you felt you orgasm coming closer and closer, finally you began to come again, your walls clenched around Kylo’s cock, he slowed down a little, you held onto his shoulders tightly as you rode out your second orgasm. You were breathless, and your body was getting tired, but Kylo wasn’t done with you yet. He picked up his pace again and began rubbing your clit with his thumb. Another orgasm started building up, his thumb rubbing circles around your swollen and sensitive clit. The feeling of Kylo pounding into you and rubbing your clit was becoming overwhelming, your body began to shake, another orgasm slammed into you, waves of intense pleasure moving through your body, completely taking over. You started coming down from your orgasm, breathing heavily, but he still wasn’t finished.

Kylo started moving in and out of you faster, slamming into your body with a ferocity, his thumb continuing to rub your oversensitive clit. 

“K-Kylo…P-please…I-I can’t.” You whined, tears springing to your eyes.

“One more baby, you can do it.” Kylo leaned down kissing your cheek.

He thrust into you deeply as he kissed and nibbled at your neck, you started to feel another orgasm coming. Kylo’s breathing was heavy as he continued pounding into your weak body, you clung to him as another orgasm came, his name on your lips as your body shook, Kylo found his release soon after. He stayed inside you for a moment, holding your limp body close to him. He finally released you, easing out of you, and helped you get underneath the blankets, you moved and laid your head on his chest as he stroked your hair gently. You both drifted off into a deep sleep. 

You didn’t wake up in time the next morning to see him off, you were so exhausted from the night before, you didn’t know how he did it, probably all the training and exercising. 

Kylo showered and dressed quietly, making sure not to wake you, he knew you were worn out and needed to sleep. He made his way down a long corridor when he was approached by General Hux.

“Commander, may we speak?” He stood face to face with Kylo.

“Quickly, I’m busy.” Kylo responded.

“Sir, there are questions about your…consort, she was never fully interrogated on her affiliation with the Resistance and I believe she may have information.” He matched Kylo’s gaze, never wavering. 

“I see. You want to torture her then?” Kylo was getting annoyed.

“In a manner of speaking, yes. I think she may have information on the Resistance and we need to make sure she is not a spy.” 

“I’ve seen inside her mind, there is nothing about the Resistance. I’ll hear no more.” Kylo turned to walk away from General Hux.

“Perhaps Supreme Leader Snoke would like to weigh in on this matter?” General Hux shouted out.

“If you want to bother him with this menial issue, then go ahead, but I’m sure Supreme Leader Snoke has far greater things to worry about.” Kylo didn’t give him another chance to respond and made his way back to the bridge.

You finally pulled yourself from the bed and stepped into the shower, the hot water rushing over your body started to wake you up. As you washed your body, you could see bruises on your thighs and hips, Kylo had been a little rougher with you than you had thought. A few hours passed, you had cleaned up and were reading a book when someone buzzed at the door. You opened the door to see General Hux.

“The commander sent me to retrieve you.” he smiled politely.

“He did? Did he say why?” You were slightly confused, he had never sent someone before.

“He did not give me any other details than to escort you to him.”

“Alright, if that’s what he wants.” You stepped out of the door and followed General Hux down the hallway.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You followed General Hux down the corridor, not knowing what to expect, wondering why Kylo hadn't come to get you himself?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter is long, but it has a lot of info in it. There is some torture in this chapter as well as some sadness, I don't want to give too much away. let me know what you think.

You continued following Hux, he didn’t say anything to you as you walked, you had only been down this way once before, Kylo had taken you on a short tour a few days ago, he didn’t want you wandering the ship alone. Hux stopped suddenly at a door and motioned for you to enter, you hesitated for a moment, something wasn’t right, but you stepped in anyways, when you did two stormtroopers grabbed you and strapped you to a standing metal chair. They hooked some wires to your body as you struggled to get free, you were still so weak. The stormtroopers left the room and a voice came over an intercom, it was General Hux.

“We can get this over quickly as long as you cooperate. I’m going to ask you some questions, if I don’t think you’re being truthful you’ll get a minor shock. Let’s begin. Who are you?” He asked.

“I’m nobody, I don’t have any family or friends, I’m a drifter. Where’s Kylo?” Your heart was pounding, you looked around the room.

“What do you know about the Resistance?”

“N-nothing, I don’t know anything about it, please le-“

Before you could finish your sentence a jolt of electricity ran through your body making you scream out in pain, that was no minor shock, you felt like ever nerve in your body was being lit on fire. Your breathing quickened, and panic set in, all you could think about was Kylo, where was he and did he have something to with this? On the bridge Kylo stood looking over one of the scans they had just finished running, suddenly he sensed your fear and panic, he stopped what he was doing and ran to his quarters, searching for you but finding no trace. He stepped out into the corridor, looking around frantically, for a sign or something of where you were, He walked down to a junction where two halls crossed and saw a man working on one of the panels, using the force to pin the man to the wall. 

“Where is she?” Kylo shouted.

“I-I don’t know who you’re t-talking about Sir.” The man stammered. 

“The girl, the one from the freighter, where is she?”

“She w-was with general Hux earlier Sir.” Kylo released him, he knew exactly where you were now. 

General Hux continued asking questions about you and the Resistance, and had shocked you several more times, tears were streaming down your face and your body was trembling. You kept thinking about Kylo, why hadn't he come to help you yet?

“P-please, I’ve told you everything I know.” You begged him as you cried.

“Where is the Resistance hiding?” He asked for the third time.

“I don’t know!” You screamed, with your face stained with tears, fearing the impending shock.

“Release her. Now.” You heard Kylo’s voice over the intercom, your heart leapt, and you felt a wave of relief wash over you.

“I’ll release her once she’s told me everything she knows about the Resistance.” Hux stood firm, not looking over at Kylo.

“She doesn’t know anything, now let her go.” Kylo demanded, he looked through the double-sided mirror at your trembling body, anger began to surge through him.

“I have to be thorough. I’ll send her back to your quarters as soon as I’m finished.” 

“You’re finished now. You’ve asked your questions and tortured her enough.” Kylo was growing more and more angered.

“Don’t let your personal feelings for the girl interfere with direct orders from Supreme Leader Snoke.” General Hux peered over at Kylo and laughed.

“I have no feelings for her, she means nothing to me! Kylo slammed his fist into a control panel, busting it as sparks flew from it.

Kylo stormed out of the room without another word, though it had been several minutes since your last shock, tears pooled in your eyes, he left you there, he said you were nothing to him, he wasn’t capable of loving you, no matter how much you had hoped he would. The revelation hurt you more than you thought it would. General Hux asked a few more questions, but didn’t shock you anymore, eventually he released you from the chair and had two stormtroopers escort you back to your quarters. 

“Why did you order General Hux to interrogate her? You yourself have seen into her mind and saw she knows nothing about the Resistance.” Kylo addressed Supreme Leader Snoke.

“The Resistance is conniving and always plotting new ways of infiltrating the First Order, I had to be sure she wasn’t hiding anything.” Snoke peered down at Kylo.

“Why not have me dig deeper into her mind, she would have let me, and it wouldn’t have caused her any pain.” Kylo continued to question Snoke.

“You’re too close to the girl, you care for her.” He leaned forward, looking close at Kylo.

“I don’t care for her, she is nothing more than a distraction.” Kylo stood firm.

“She is making you weak, making you question the dark side, you can feel it can’t you? The conflict inside? The call to the light? If you’re smart, you’ll rid yourself of her.” 

“She is not a problem. I am loyal to the First Order and the dark side, nothing will stand in my way of getting what I have worked so hard for.” Kylo turned and began walking away.

“She will be your downfall.” Supreme Leader Snoke spoke loudly across the room as Kylo continued walking.

You stood in the doorway to your quarters, you were shaking still from being tortured, but also from Kylo’s words. You were stupid to think he’d ever love you and now here you are on his ship, with nowhere and no one to turn to. You walked in and sat down at the table. You started to regret everything in the past few weeks, every touch, every kiss, you had fallen hard for Kylo, his stupid shy smile, the way he made you feel safe and protected, the intensity of him was overwhelming. Suddenly Kylo entered the room, he quickly walked over to you, reaching down to touch your face, you flinched away from his hand. 

“Don’t touch me.” You commanded, Kylo stepped back from you.

“I didn’t know Hux was going to do that, if I had been here I would have-“

“Would have what? Handed me over even quicker? Helped him strap me into the chair?” You cut him off and stood up moving closer to him.

“You left me there which is just as bad as if you had tortured me yourself. I should have known better than to stay here with you, you made me fall in love with you and now look at me, you’ve done nothing but cause me pain.” You stared into his eyes as you held your tears back, he looked like you had just punched him, your confession of love had shocked him to his core.

Kylo stood in silence, how could you love him? He was not someone worth loving. He stared down at you, he didn’t like this feeling, seeing you hurt and knowing he was the cause of it. He wanted nothing more than to hold you, for you to let him touch you. He was so conflicted, Snoke was right, you were becoming his weakness.

“You shouldn’t love me, you can’t. I never meant for any of this to happen.” Kylo ran his hand through his hair.

“No, of course not, because you aren’t capable of having genuine feelings for another person or caring about anyone else. Like you said, I’m nothing to you.” The tears you had been holding back finally reached their limit and came streaming out.

Kylo didn’t know you had heard him, he watched as you stared at him, angry and heartbroken. He was speechless, he needed to make a choice but didn’t know which one was right, he wanted you, but you were the light, and he was committed to the First Order and the dark side. You stood in silence for what seemed like hours, neither one of you knowing what to say next, until you finally spoke.

“I want to leave.” You had made the choice for him.

“We’re in the middle of space, there’s nowhere for you to go.” Kylo responded.

“Then I want a room, I want to be as far away from you as possible.” Your words were sharp, but he wasn’t surprised.

“You can stay here. It’s the least I can do after everything. We will drop you off at the nearest planet.” Kylo looked down at you, you were shaking, your cheeks were red and stained with tears.

Kylo didn’t want to hurt you anymore, he couldn’t, he turned and walked out without looking back. Once the door closed you began to sob again, even after everything that has happened you immediately missed his presence.

You curled up on the bed and began sobbing into your pillow. You cried until you had nothing left and you drifted into a deep sleep. The next few days were a blur, you didn’t eat, barely moved, and slept when you weren’t crying, showering was sparse, it wasn’t like you needed to be clean for anyone, no one was there to hold you at night, or comfort you. 

Kylo had a stormtrooper come and remove most of his things, he made sure he was in another part of the ship, where there wouldn’t be a chance of you running into him. He tried to focus on other things, finding the Resistance and training, but his mind always came back to you. Every night he would focus his mind on you to see how you were doing, and every night he was gripped with guilt over what he had done to you, he felt your pain and heartache, he still didn’t know how you could love him. 

You had resorted to wearing one of Kylo’s shirts that was left behind and sleeping on his pillow, he had hurt you, but you wanted nothing more than to be close to him again and feel his arms around you. You lay in bed thinking about him and the last time he held you. He was so passionate, you couldn’t help but think about him thrusting into you, gripping your hips, you started to feel a familiar heat pool between your thighs. You looked down at your thighs, the bruises had faded. You reached your hand down and began rubbing your clit through your panties, wishing it was Kylo’s hand. You moved your panties to the side, giving you direct access to your sensitive clit, you started rubbing it faster, moaning his name. Your orgasm was building, so close, you continued to touch yourself, thinking about him, flashes of his face came to your mind, but not the one you wanted, his pained expression when you told him you loved him, you tried to push the images aside but they wouldn’t stop, you kept seeing his face staring at you with those big sad eyes. You knew you wouldn’t be able to finish so you stopped touching yourself and laid back in frustration. 

Kylo sat in his new quarters, focusing on you, seeing the images you saw and sensing the feelings you were having. He wanted nothing more than to burst through your door and make you come over and over, all night, but he knew that wasn’t possible anymore. 

After a few weeks had passed the initial pain had subsided, your hurt had turned to anger, you started to get annoyed over small things and would throw or punch something, you had all this rage but nothing to do with it, you needed something to do. You decided to shower and get dressed, you put on your most Kylo Ren-esque clothing, a black shirt and tight black pants. You walked out of your quarters, the first stormtrooper you found you asked him to take you to General Hux, he made you wait while he made a call to get you clearance to the bridge, once it was confirmed he escorted you.   
When you stepped in Kylo immediately turned to look at you, his gaze never breaking away. You looked great, but he could still sense your sadness. General Hux walked over to where you were standing.

“What is it that you needed to see me for, and not our Commander?” He briefly glanced towards Kylo.

“I’m sure the Commander is far too busy to deal with my petty problems and seeing as how you tortured me for no reason, I figured you kind of owe me. I need something to do, I want a job.” You said confidently, glancing toward Kylo briefly but returning your eyes to Hux.

You were purposefully standing in a way that pushed your chest out further. Kylo continued to stare at you, his gaze was starting to make your heart race, the way it always did.

“What is your skillset? Besides bedding commanders of the First Order?” You were caught off guard by his words and turned to notice Kylo had clenched his fists and stepped closer.

“I’m sure there is something I can do here.” You returned your gaze to Hux.

“I don’t think we have any use for you, unless the Commander can think of anything?” He turned and looked directly at Kylo.

“No, nothing.” Kylo spoke in a low voice, his gaze still locked on you.

“Escort her back to her quarters.” Hux commanded the stormtrooper who had brought you in.

Hux thought very little of you, it was foolish of you to think he’d actually help you. Maybe he was right, maybe sleeping with Kylo was the only thing you were good at, and even then he did most of the work, your heart started to sink in your chest, you confidence had worn off.

“I’m sorry I wasted your time.” You followed the stormtrooper out and down the corridor.

“Wait” Kylo shouted after you.

“I’ll make sure she gets back, you may leave.” He instructed the stormtrooper.

“What do you want? Come to humiliate me some more?” Kylo caught up to you as you continued to walk.

“I came to offer you something, not a job, but it will help you channel your anger.” Kylo walked next to you.

“I can’t take anymore degradation so please don’t offer me some sort of sex arrangement.” 

“No, I want to train you, to fight.” 

“Why?” You stopped walking and looked up at him confused.

“You need to be able to defend yourself and it will give you something to do.”

“And you’d teach me, with nothing in return?” You were suspicious of his offer.

“Yes. We can start tomorrow if you’d like.” 

You were still mad at him, but his offer was the only thing you had.

“Alright, I can’t stay in that room any longer, and I do need to learn how to defend myself in case someone kidnaps me and tries to strap me to a torture chair.” You continued to look up into Kylo’s eyes, he gave you a small smirk, you finally reached your door.

“So tomorrow then?”

“Yes, I’d like to start as soon as possible.” You said as you walked into your room, the door closing behind you. 

As Kylo made his way back to the bridge he couldn’t help but feel a small tinge of guilt, he lied, he did want something in return, you. He hated being away from you and not being able to kiss you or touch you, seeing you on the bridge made him miss you even more. This was the only way he would be able to be near you again, even if he couldn’t have you.

You woke up excited, you were ready to learn how to fight and maybe land a few hits on Kylo, that would make you feel better for sure. Kylo met you in the training room, you walked in and immediately regretted your decision, he stood across the room, shirtless, you had to restrain your thoughts, so he wouldn’t hear them. Kylo stared at your body, you were wearing a tank top and tight leggings, he wanted to rip them off you and take you here on the floor, but he said he’d train you and that’s what he was going to do. You walked over to him and he handed you a long wooden stick.

“What’s this? Do I not get a lightsaber?” You asked twirling the stick in your hand.

“If I gave you a lightsaber I’d be afraid you’d hurt me or yourself with it, so we will use the sticks. Ready to begin?” You nodded your head, waiting for instruction.

“Widen your stance, you have to ground yourself, it will be harder for someone to knock you over.” Kylo took the wooden stick and pushed your feet apart.

“I’m going to attack you, you need to block my advances.” Kylo began to walk around you. 

Kylo stood to your left and lunged forward, you brought your stick up and blocked his attack, the sticks smacked together. Kylo stepped back and circled you again, this time he came from behind and landed a hard smack on your ass with the stick.

“Ouch, what was that for?” You rubbed your palm where he hit you.

“You left your guard down, you have to be aware of your surroundings, you can be attacked from any angle and must be able to protect yourself.” Kylo said as he continued to circle you.

Your gaze followed him as he circled you, he came around from your right, you turned and brought your stick up again, smacking into his, blocking his attack. 

“Good, I’m going to move faster, try to keep up.” Kylo started walking around you again.

He was moving faster, you tried to keep up but he landed a smack on your thigh, then another on your upper arm. He kept moving, another hit on your leg, he landed another one across your breasts, making you flinch. He smirked a little, he couldn’t deny that he liked seeing you like this, sweaty and breathless. You blocked his next three attacks, you were getting used to the pace. He continued walking around you, he landed a hit on your thigh as you turned to block the next hit, he quickly hooked the stick under your foot making you fall. 

“We need to work on your balance as well.”

“You’re enjoying this aren’t you?” You looked up at him as he towered over you.

“No sweetheart, not in the least.” He was more arrogant than you remembered him being.

He leaned down offering you his hand, you took your stick and hooked it around the back of his foot causing him to lose his balance and fall over top of you. He stilled, his body pressing into yours, both of you were breathing heavily, your heart pounded, you missed being this close to him. He lowered his face, your lips were barely touching as you both lay there. 

“Kylo…?” You breathed his name.

He had forgotten how much he liked hearing his name on your lips. He couldn’t stay away from you any longer, he decided that instead of his weakness you would become his strength, his equal, he wouldn’t have to choose, he would continue to train you and you could join the First Order. Kylo crashed his lips into yours, kissing you passionately, his hands roaming all over your body, getting reacquainted with every curve. You missed the feel of his lips on yours, the taste of him, you were still angry and hurt, but you didn’t care right now, right now all you wanted was him.

“Kylo… Please..” You panted, as you moved your hand to touch his growing erection.

“Not here sweetheart.” Kylo whispered against your lips.

He climbed off of you and helped you up to your feet, suddenly he picked you up and carried you back to your quarters. He put you down at the foot of the bed, grabbed your face and kissed you deeply. 

“I never want to hurt you again, so if you don’t want this tell me now.” His hands still cupping your face, staring into your eyes.

“This is all so fucking confusing, but all I want is you.” 

You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him down to kiss you again, he kissed you deeply, he slowly pushed his tongue into your mouth, reveling in your taste. He pulled away from the kiss leaving you breathless. He moved to remove your shirt, but you stopped him.

“Wait, I’m all sweaty and gross, let me take a shower.” 

“Good idea.” He began removing his clothes.

“No, I meant by myself, I’m disgusting right now.” You walked into the bathroom and turned the shower on, slipping out of your clothes and stepping in.

“You’ll be lucky if you ever shower alone again, now move over.” Kylo demanded as he stepped into the shower with you.

You let the hot water run over your bodies, washing away some of your sweat and grime, Kylo was standing behind you as he started lightly kissing your neck and shoulders. He wrapped his arms around your body, sliding his hands up cupping your breasts. You leaned back into his broad chest and moaned as he slowly rolled your nipples between his fingers, you could feel your own arousal growing as well as his by the way his cock was pushing into your back. Kylo grabbed your shoulders and turned you around facing him, he locked your lips with his in a soft kiss, one of his hands traveled down your body and into your slick folds, his skilled fingers gently moved in and out of you, you moaned against his lips as he brought you closer to your release. He continued his movements as the water flowed over your bodies, you grabbed onto his forearm, trying to hold onto something as you started to come on his fingers, waves of pleasure rolled over you. Kylo removed his fingers and brought them up to your mouth, you started licking them lazily with the tip of your tongue, he eased them further into your mouth and you began to suck.

“Good girl, I think I want a taste now.” Kylo removed his fingers abruptly.

He knelt down in the shower and pushed your legs apart, he kissed the apex of your thighs then ran his tongue from your center back up to your clit. He hummed in approval, savoring your taste. You leaned back and closed your eyes, it was too overwhelming to watch him as he licked your center. 

“Eyes on me sweetheart.” He stopped licking you and waited for you to open your eyes and watch.

Once your gaze was fixed on him he continued his torturous licking and kissing. You could feel yourself getting wetter and more aroused by his actions, you gasped when he inserted two fingers into you without warning, you laid your head back against the wall and closed your eyes.

“We’ll never finished if you keep looking away.” He had stopped his movements again.

You leaned forward and looked down at him again, seeing him positioned between your legs, soaking wet, was making your knees weak. He moved forward and continued licking your clit, slowly and softly. 

“Kylo…” You whined breathlessly, pulling on his hair.

He knew exactly what you wanted, he stood up and gripped your hips, lifting you up, you wrapped your legs around his waist and he eased his cock into you, making you moan his name in response. He missed hearing your soft moans. He began pushing into you easily, pressing you against the shower wall. You wrapped your arms around his neck, helping to hold yourself up as he thrust into you, he was being so gentle with you, for a moment you could’ve sworn he was making love to you, but you remembered he doesn’t love, the thought reminded you of all of the problems you had and the pain you felt, tears spring to your eyes. Kylo stilled his movements, he felt your sudden unease and noticed the tears in your eyes.

“Hey, what’s wrong baby?” He brought one hand up to stroke your cheek. 

“I-I just wish you could love me like I love you.” You didn’t want him to stop but you had to say it.

Kylo stood there holding you in his arms, still buried deep inside you, he thought about your words for a moment and stared into your eyes.

“Please don’t cry, I-I-“ 

You didn’t want to hear his answer, you leaned forward and kissed him hard. You started to move your hips, coaxing him to move again, he complied. He picked up his pace, thrusting into you harder and faster than before, you held onto him tightly, knowing this was possibly the last time you’d get to feel his touch. He continued moving in and out of you, pushing you towards your release, you gripped onto his shoulders as you felt your orgasm come, your walls clenched around Kylo making it hard for him to move as fast, soon after he found his own release inside of you. 

Kylo released you and placed you back down, he stepped out of the shower grabbed you both a towel. You stayed silent, drying off and throwing on one of his shirts. You climbed into the bed and Kylo got in behind you. He grabbed your waist and pulled you against his chest, nuzzling his face in your hair. You relaxed in his arms, wishing this moment could last forever. You closed your eyes and started to fall asleep, you could’ve sworn you heard Kylo whisper something in your ear.

“I want to love you, but I don't know how.” He said as you both drifted off.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You continue working with Kylo on your training, not only your body but also your mind. A secret is revealed and things shift between you and Kylo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: It took me a bit to finish this one, I worked on other things in between, I really like how it turned out though. I hope you enjoy it too. There is some death in this one, so be ready.

Kylo was already in the training room when you arrived. You looked around for the sticks you had been using to spar with, but they were nowhere to be seen. You looked up at Kylo confused.

“We aren’t using the sticks today.” He answered your question before you could ask. 

“Oh my god, lightsabers? Are we using lightsabers?!” You squealed, jumping up and down.

“No, I don’t want you hurting yourself or me.” 

“I think you’re just afraid that I’ll be better at handling one than you are.” You grinned up at him.

“Don’t challenge me sweetheart, you’ll always lose.” He leaned in close to your face.

“Today we are going to work on strengthening your mind as well as your connection to the force.” He sat down on the floor.  
“Why?” You mimicked his actions and sat across from him.

“Because you need to be able to keep people from getting into your mind and I have felt the force within you, you just need to learn how to access it.” 

“Now, relax, I want you to think about something, anything, and try to resist me getting to it.” He brought his hand up.

You closed your eyes and focused your breathing, and searched for something to think about. Your mind is always going a million miles a minute with several thoughts, but now you couldn’t think of anything. Finally, you focused on your first night with Kylo, when you woke up with his body wrapped around yours. As you focused you felt Kylo’s presence, him trying to pull your memory from you, you resisted as much as you could, but he got through anyways.

“Such a sweet memory, the Resistance would love to use this against you. Focus again.” 

You focused your mind on your first kiss with Kylo, how tender and soft it was. This time you resisted him, he kept pulling, you put up distractions, thoughts of books you had read or places you had been, protecting your main focus. 

“Let me have it.” Kylo’s voice echoed through your mind as you held on.

Kylo struggled and strained to pull the memory from your mind, you held strong, but finally he was able to get to it.

“Good. You resisted longer this time, but you need to think of something private, something you really don’t want me to see, this way you will fight harder to protect it. Now focus.”

You took a deep breath in and thought about something private, something Kylo doesn’t know about you. It took a few minutes but you finally thought of something. You thought about the weeks after Kylo left, you were sick, so you went to the med bay, they ran some tests, but you were fine, for the most part. They had you take a pregnancy test which showed positive, you ran out of the med bay before they could say another word. You didn’t know what to do, if you should tell Kylo, if he would even care. You held onto the information for 2 weeks, until you got your period. You went back to the med bay and they said your test was a false positive. You still felt guilty for not telling Kylo. You focused on the memory, as hard as you could, Kylo pulled, he tried to get the thought from you but you resisted, this was one thing you didn’t want him to know, you didn’t know how he would react. You began to sweat, straining to not let this memory slip. Kylo moved closer to you, focusing his mind on yours. Tears began to spring to your eyes as you struggled, you held your eyes shut tight.

“You were sick? When were you sick? Why didn’t you tell me?” Kylo asked confused, he was starting to get bits and pieces from you.

“I want to stop. Please can we stop?” You begged, still holding back.

“No, keep fighting.” He demanded, he moved his hand closer to your face, just inches away.

Tears were streaming down your face, it was too hard, you couldn’t keep fighting him, suddenly you felt it, you knew he had broken you. You opened your eyes to see Kylo’s face, filled with confusion and shock, he leaned back from you.

“Kylo, I-I’m sorry, I wanted to tell you, but we weren’t together or anything and I didn’t know if you’d even want to have a child.” You stared at his face, trying to figure out what he was thinking.

“So, you’re not?” He spoke in a low tone.

“No, it was a false positive.” You still weren’t sure what he was thinking.

“Good.” His face returned to his normal pensive one, you couldn’t read him.

“We’re done with this part of the training, stand up.” Kylo stood quickly and walked away, returning with the wooden sticks, he tossed one to you.

You were confused, and not in the mood to spar, but you didn’t have time to think before Kylo lunged at you. You blocked his attack, he stepped back but came at you again, this time harder.

“Kylo, wait.” You didn’t want to do this, you wanted to talk.

He didn’t listen, he kept coming at you, with more force each time, your sticks slammed together sending vibrations into your body. Kylo landed a hit on your leg, you yelled in pain, but he still didn’t stop. You continued to block his attacks, but you were getting tired. 

“Please can we stop?” You breathed heavily.

“No, you need to fight harder.” He said through gritted teeth.

Kylo was mad, but you weren’t sure about what, he seemed relieved that you weren’t pregnant. Your mind was clouded so you didn’t see the next strike coming, it landed hard on your face, breaking the skin. You dropped your stick and immediately put your hand on your face, when you looked down at your hand you were bleeding.

“Fuck. You cut me?” Still out of breath from the sparring.

Kylo dropped his stick and stood watching you, he froze, he didn’t mean to hit you that hard, or in the face, he ran his hand through his thick black hair. He felt a sinking feeling in his chest, seeing your blood, feeling your pain, it was overwhelming to him.

“This, this is why you need to be stronger. If I can hurt you like this with a stick think about the Resistance, think what they’d do to you if they found out you were my… my um…” 

“Please, finish the sentence, what am I to you? I’d love to know.” You said holding your hand to your face.

Kylo said nothing, he stood in silence, staring at you. You were frustrated with him, he refuses to have any kind of discussion with you about anything, most of the time you didn’t know if he even liked you. If he didn’t want to talk then you didn’t either, you leaned down and grabbed your wooden stick.

“Pick it up.” You pointed at the other one on the ground.

“No, you need to go to the med bay and get checked out, you’re bleeding.”

“You want me to be stronger then let’s go, let’s continue. It’s just a little blood.” You glared at him, waiting for him to pick up the stick.

“I’m not going to fight you like this, you’re hurt.” He stood watching you.

“Fine.” 

You lunged at him with everything you had, he dodged your assault, he reached for the stick and used the force to bring it to his hand, just in time to block another attack by you.

“Stop this. Now.” He demanded.

“No, you won’t talk to me.” You swung the stick again.

“You won’t tell me the real reason we are doing this.” You lunged at him, barely missing his shoulder. 

Kylo continued blocking your attacks, he could feel the rage within you growing. 

“And you fucking cut my face!” You shouted at him, letting out everything you’d been holding back.

The more he blocked your attacks the angrier you got, you lunged at him again and landed a hard hit on his leg, making him jump back, he immediately brought his hand up stopping you mid swing, he used the force to hold you still. 

“Are you finished?” He asked.

“I guess so if you’re not going to fight fair.” You retorted.

He lowered his hand releasing you from his grip. You dropped the stick and sat down, releasing a deep sigh. Kylo moved to sit down in front of you.

“Are you alright?” He brought his hand up to your face, lightly tracing your wound.

“I’ll be fine. We need to talk though.” You stared up at him.

“First let’s get your face patched up, then we can talk.” He stood offering you his hand, you took it and walked with him to the med bay.

They stopped the bleeding and patched your wound, it would be healed in a few days. You walked back to your quarters in silence. Once you were back you showered and changed, the tension between you had risen even more somehow and now you didn’t know who should speak first. You sat on the bed waiting for Kylo to finish showering, he finally came out, wearing black sweatpants, making you blush at your thoughts, but you couldn’t get distracted.

“What do you want to talk about first?” Kylo walked over and stood in front of you.

“Why are we training so hard? And don’t tell me it’s just to make me strong against the Resistance.” 

“Supreme Leader Snoke said you’d be my downfall, that you were my weakness. I thought if I could train you to be as strong as I am, my equal, you would join me.” You didn’t expect him to be so honest with you so quickly.

“Join you? As in join the First Order and the dark side?”

“Yes, I can feel the force within you, you’re stronger than you think, we just have to work on accessing it.” He moved closer to you.

“So, I’d be like your apprentice?” His proximity made your heart beat a little faster.

“Yes, in a way I’d be your Master. I’d teach you everything I know, once you’re trained I’d have you join the Knights of Ren.” He moved his hand and began lightly touching your knee.

“Master?” You watched his large hand move up and down your thigh.

This was a lot to take in, he wanted you as his apprentice, he wanted to teach you and for you to develop your skills with the force.

“Yes, before we get too distracted, what do you want to talk about next?” He continued his ministrations.

“What are we? What is this?” You motioned between you, this was the main question that stayed in the back of your mind, constantly coming up when you were alone.  
Kylo hesitated, his hand stopped moving, he brought his gaze up to meet yours. He wasn’t really sure what you were, he knew he wanted to teach you, for you to fight alongside him, but mostly he just wanted you. Suddenly he moved his hand to softly run along the wound on your face, remembering how he felt when he had struck you, and the rage that surged through you, he grabbed your hand and brought it up to his face.

“You’re mine.” This was the best way he knew how to articulate how he felt about you.

You ran your thumb across his cheek, ‘you’re mine’ rang through your head over and over, his confession made you ecstatic, it wasn’t an ‘I love you’ but it was close. He cared for you and felt possessive of you, you weren’t nothing to him anymore. You leapt from the bed and swung your arms around Kylo’s neck, he grabbed onto you and held you against him.

“You’re mine too.” You leaned forward and pressed your lips to his, he put his hand on the back of your head, deepening the kiss.

You pulled back from the kiss, “Wait, does this mean I get a lightsaber?” Your eyes were wide and full of excitement.

Kylo smiled and kissed you hard, placing you on the bed and climbing on top of you, his hands exploring your body. Kylo lifted your shirt over your head and tossed it to the floor, he grabbed your pants and drug them down your body, leaving you naked and at his disposal. He lowered his head hovering over your nipples.  
“Such perfect nipples, perfect for licking,” he lightly licked one nipple, and then the other.

“Perfect for kissing.” He said as he placed a kiss on each one.

“And definitely perfect for biting.” He gave you a wicked grin before taking one of your nipples between his teeth and lightly applying pressure. 

You arched your back and moaned in response to his torture, he repeated the action to the other nipple. Kylo moved on hand down to your center, he inserted one finger between your slick folds. 

“So wet already, I think I should make you come just like this.” He returned his mouth to one of your nipples, pulling his hand out form between your legs.

He started sucking and licking one of your nipples as his hand moved to tenderly roll the other between his fingers. His movements already had you panting and wanting more, you raised your hips to try and feel some friction against your clit. Kylo used his other hand to push you back down on the bed.

“No, stay still. You’re going to come for me like this.” He pressed his body weight down on you, keeping your movements limited. 

He latched back onto one of your nipples, sucking and biting, you could feel the wetness between your legs, you knew you weren’t far from coming. Kylo moved to the other nipple, torturing it in the same manner, your body was on fire, you were breathing heavily. 

“K-Kylo… P-please…” You begged, you wanted him to touch you.

You grabbed onto Kylo’s hair, pulling it, making a groan escape his lips as he continued his assault on your body. Your orgasm hit you hard, pleasure washing over your body, you trembled as Kylo held onto you, waiting for you to come back down. You shifted beneath him, trying to move out of his grasp, but he wasn’t done with you yet. 

Kylo stood up, removing his shirt and pants before pouncing back on top of you. He grabbed his cock and slid it between your folds, rubbing against you, teasing you again. 

“Kylo…” You whined.

“What do you want sweetheart?” He continued his movements.

“I-I need to feel you, inside me, please?”

Without another word he pressed his cock to your opening and pushed himself in, filling you completely. You loved the way he felt inside you, stretching you out. Kylo started to move within you, you brought your hips up to meet his thrusts. You were still sensitive from your previous orgasm but that didn’t stop him from kissing and lapping at your nipples again. His large hands gripped your hips, thrusting into you harder, pushing deeper into you. You felt your release getting closer with each thrust. You held onto his shoulders as he continued slamming into your body, you were already weak from training and coming once. Another orgasm pushed through your body, making you moan out Kylo’s name, he didn’t slow down, still pushing into you, feeling you clench around his cock, he finally found his own release, your name slipping through his lips. 

Just as Kylo pulled out of you an alarm started sounding off, it was different from the one before. 

“Kylo, what’s happening?” You sat up and threw your clothes back on hurriedly.

Before he could answer someone buzzed at the door, Kylo walked over and answered it.

“Sir, there’s been a breech, the Resistance has boarded the ship.” The stormtrooper reported.

“Where did they enter?” 

“The hangar, Sir. “

“Send all available troops there, I’ll be down shortly.” Kylo walked over and continued getting dressed. 

“Stay here.” 

“But I can help, let me come with you.” You stepped towards him. 

“No, you will stay here. Do not leave this room until I return.” He grabbed your face and kissed you deeply before leaving. 

You stood in your quarters, panic had set in, you were worried about Kylo, he could feel your concern for him, he liked knowing someone was worried about his safety. It had been a few minutes since he had left, you paced back and forth, until you heard blasters being shot, outside your door. Your heart pounded, you didn’t know whether to hide or run, you did neither, you froze. You could hear voices but nothing specific, suddenly someone burst through your door, it was a stormtrooper, he was injured, he sealed the door behind him before collapsing on the floor. You ran over to help him, blood was everywhere, you couldn’t stop the bleeding. 

“Tell me what to do, how can I help you?” Your voice full of panic.

He coughed, “R-Run.” His body went limp. 

Before you could register what he said there was an explosion, your door was blown open. You sat in the floor next to the stormtrooper, covered in his blood, 3 people rushed in.

“Is this her?” One of the men asked.

“Yeah, they said she’d be in this room, let’s get her and go.” Another responded.

They grabbed you up by your arms, you weren’t going without a fight though, you pulled away from them and grabbed the blaster from the stormtrooper’s hand, you shot one of the men, the others rushed you, hitting you in the face before you could shoot again, you fell to the ground, your head pounding, they took the blaster and tied your hands. You struggled again, trying to get loose, one of the men hit you in the face again, you started to lose consciousness. 

“Kylo…” You whispered, as you waned in and out, they dragged you to their ship, you could hear the fighting still going on, but you had no strength to move.  
Kylo stabbed one man with his lightsaber, turning and slicing another across the back, he was fighting hard, until he felt your fear and then nothing from you, stopping him in his tracks.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Resistance kidnapped you from the Finalizer, Kylo panicked as he began his search for you. The Resistance wanted information, you wanted to go home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to get this chapter finished, I got caught up with life and stuff, but at least I finished it and can work on the next chapter.

Your head was pounding, you tried to open your eyes but they were too heavy, you could hear people talking but couldn’t make out what they were saying, you struggled to stay focused, you faded back into unconsciousness. Suddenly you woke up, in a small dark room, you started to panic, your head was killing you, there were no windows, there was a door, but it was locked. There was a solitary light on the ceiling, no bed, the floor and walls were metal and hard. You slowly stood up, gripping the wall for balance, you slid your hands along the edges of the door, looking for a way out, some kind of panel or something. The door opened abruptly, two men were standing in front of you with blasters pointed at you. 

“Where am I? What do you want?” You stammered, covering your eyes, the bright light from the hall made your head throb.

The two men said nothing, one of them grabbed your arms and hand cuffed you, the other held his blaster aimed at you. They pulled you out of the room and lead you down a hallway. 

“Please let me go, I don’t know anything, I’m nobody.” You pleaded as they continued to walk.

Finally, they stopped and pushed you into a room, with the medical equipment you could only assume it was a med bay. You glanced around the room, the two men stood behind you, a tall woman with violet hair stepped towards you. 

“Who are you?” You asked anxiously.

“I am Vice Admiral Holdo, of the Resistance.” She responded, moving closer to you.

“What do you want with me?” 

“We were hoping you would help us and in return we would help you.” She stood tall and confident, you weren’t sure what they wanted exactly, but most likely it had to do with Kylo.

“I-I told them I don’t know anything, I’m nobody. Please just let me go.” You stepped towards her, the two men grabbed your arms and pulled you back.

“Dear child, you are definitely not ‘nobody’.” She smiled slightly.

“I don’t understand how I can help you?”

“You possess knowledge about the Commander of the First Order, and about his ship, the Finalizer.” 

“I don’t know anything, he just uses me as a distraction when he’s bored. He doesn’t tell me anything, please let me go.” The two men continued to hold you as you tried to convince the Vice Admiral that you were useless.

“That’s simply not true.” She stood firm.

You just wanted to get out of there, get back to Kylo, your training. Though it had been a sort time, it felt like home when you were with him. You looked down at your hands, the cuffs were tight, too tight to get out of. You looked back up at Vice Admiral Holdo, she was a tall woman, strong willed, not easily tricked. 

“If you agree to help us, we can give you anything you desire, a ship, money, freedom?”

“Freedom?” You asked questioningly.

“Yes, we know Kylo Ren has been holding you on his ship since he found you aboard a freighter. You’ve been tortured and denied your freedom, all at the hands of Kylo Ren.” Her words made your blood boil, you weren’t held captive, he saved you.

“I won’t give you anything. You’ll never be safe from Kylo Ren’s wrath. He’s coming for me and you’ll be sorry you ever touched me.” You glared at her, anger surging through your body.

Kylo sat up suddenly, he felt your rage, he could feel your anger as you clenched your fists, but he couldn’t see you or feel where you were. He let out the tension he had been holding since you were taken, at least now he knew that you were still alive, and he would do anything to find you. 

You felt something, a presence, it was familiar, but fleeting. The two men behind you grabbed your arms and held you back from the Admiral.

“We’ll see.” She nodded at the men as they pulled you out of the room. 

You put up a fight, you struggled and kicked, but they held firm and dragged you back to the small room, shoving you in and locking the door. You slumped down into the floor, wondering if Kylo was looking for you.

Kylo paced his quarters, he didn’t know where to start looking for you, he knew the Resistance had taken you, but had no idea where. He had to find you, he went to the only person who could help him. He walked into the large room, kneeling as he approached Supreme leader Snoke.

“Supreme Leader, I need your help, the-“ Kylo continued to kneel on the ground.

“The girl has been taken, and you want my help in locating her. Why?” He leaned forward.

“I have been training her, she is stronger than we thought. She can be of use to us.” 

“Yes, I can sense her power growing. She would be helpful in our cause.” Snoke sat back, staring at Kylo, noticing that his body relaxed a bit.

“Or we could just let the Resistance kill her and rid you of the distraction.” 

Kylo’s eyes shot up at Snoke, he tensed back up at the thought of anyone harming you. He clenched his fists.

“She is proving to be more than just a distraction to you, I knew you were weak, but letting a girl sway your mind and pull you towards the light. You will forget about her and move forward-“

“I will not let her die, I will find her and I’ll rip apart this galaxy to do it.” Kylo stood and walked off, he knew it wasn’t wise to disobey an order from Snoke but he didn’t care, he wanted, no, needed, to find you. 

Kylo walked back to his quarters, furious that Snoke wants to let you die, even after he felt your power. Kylo was still conflicted, he knew he had to get you back, but in doing so he would be disobeying a direct order. He stood in his quarters, seeing memories of you around him, in the bed, reading, he could smell you everywhere. 

You sat in the small room, still not sure if Kylo was looking for you, you decided to focus on him. You sat back against the wall and focused your mind. You pictured Kylo in your quarters, you controlled your breath, slowing your heart rate, as you focused you could feel his presence around you. You pushed harder, clearing your mind of everything else but him, suddenly you saw him, pacing, you couldn’t see his surroundings, but it was him. You watched for a moment, until he stopped, he turned, you could swear he was looking right at you. Your breath hitched under his dark gaze. 

“Kylo…” A whisper escaped your lips.

“H-How is this happening? I can see you?” Kylo stood in disbelief.

“I’m not sure, I just focused all of my energy on you and now-“ You started to worry your head trauma was messing with you.

“Where are you? I can’t see your surroundings, are you alright?” He moved towards you.

“I don’t know exactly where I am, but I know I’m on a Resistance ship. I’m ok, just a small head wound. They want me to help them, they want information about you.” You missed him, even in the short amount of time you had been apart.

“What did you tell them?” 

“Nothing. I refused to help them.”

“Good girl.” Kylo smirked.

“Kylo, I want to come home, I miss you.” Your confession caught him off guard, but what was even more shocking to him was that he felt the same.

“I know, I’m going to find you.” 

Abruptly the door to your room was opened, tearing you from Kylo. One man pointed a blaster at you while the other stepped inside. 

“Here. You need to eat, and while you do I’m going to clean that wound of yours. My buddy is here to make sure you don’t try anything.” The man handed you a tray with some food on it.

At first you were hesitant, worried it might be poisoned somehow, but you were starving and knew you would need your strength to escape. As you took bites of the bread the man crouched in front of you, he began to clean your wound.

“You know, if you help us you wouldn’t have to stay in this room. You could have anything you wanted, just for some information.”

“Tempting offer, but no thanks. I won’t be here long anyways.” You continued eating.

“You really think he’s coming for you? You think Snoke will let him waste any resources on finding one person?” 

“I know he’s coming for me, honestly you should think about letting me go, because once he arrives there will be no going back.” You finished your food and waited for him to finish.

“Maybe you’re right, but what if you’re wrong and he doesn’t come?” He stood and took your tray, leaving the room and closing the door behind him.

You knew he was trying to get into your head, you weren’t surprised, but a small feeling of doubt began to fill your mind. You had only started training with Kylo recently, and you still weren’t 100% sure about his feelings for you. He said you belonged to him, but would he travel across the galaxy for you? Though you never said it out loud, you knew you loved him and would do anything to get back to him, but does he feel the same? All of these worries and questions clouded your thoughts, you leaned against the wall and drifted off to sleep, dreaming of Kylo. 

He stood in the control room, looking over intel they had collected about the Resistance, trying to figure out where they would take you. He searched through archives of information, anything that might help, until he remembered, after the attack on D’Qar the Resistance escaped on the Star Cruiser Raddus, he knew they should be able to track a ship that big, and that it was the most probable place they would take you. 

You woke up panicking, forgetting where you were for a moment, but were soon reminded by the walls and small room you were in. You had a very stressful sleep and didn’t feel rested at all, you focused your mind on Kylo, hoping to connect with him again. You steadied your breathing and put all of your energy and thoughts into him. He appeared, standing in the control room.

“Kylo?” You spoke softly, he looked over at you, moving closer.

“You’re back, I’m still not certain on how you’re doing this. Are you alright?” 

“I’m fine, they fed me and bandaged my wound, they haven’t asked me anything else about you or the First Order.”

Kylo moved closer to you, you were certain you could feel his body heat, but figured you were just imagining it. 

“I’m sure they will resume the questioning soon, but you have to hold strong, do not give them anything. Just like we trained.”

“I’m not going to tell them anything, I promise.” 

Kylo reached his hand out to touch your face, you closed your eyes and leaned into his touch. You immediately opened your eyes when you actually felt his hand on your cheek, he looked just as astonished as you did at the sensation. Kylo lightly touched your cheek, feeling the warmth of your skin.

“How is this possible?” You whispered.

“I don’t know, possibly through the force, but I’ve never heard of anything like this. I can actually feel you.” His hand moved down your cheek to your neck. 

You moved closer to him, you wanted to feel more, you softly pressed your lips to his, once you made contact and felt his skin you deepened the kiss, pressing your lips harder into his, reveling in his taste.

You pulled back after a few seconds, “This is so weird. I wish you were here for real.” 

“I know, me too.” He replied, tracing his fingers over your cheek once more.

You reached up, gliding your hand along his jaw, tracing your thumb over his chin. You moved closer, pressing your body to his, you knew he wasn’t really there, but you could feel every muscle, every breath. Kylo ran his hand over your cheek, his hand moving to the back of your head, pulling you closer to him, his lips softly touched yours before he pushed further. He kissed you passionately, his tongue moving past your lips, swirling with your own. He gripped the back of your head, holding you impossibly close, the kiss was literally taking your breath away, but you didn’t care, you never wanted it to end. His hands moved down your body, pulling and kneading your skin, you felt a heat pooling between your legs. A low whine escaped your lips when Kylo pulled back from the kiss. 

“I’ve missed this.” He spoke softly, running his fingers through your hair.

“So how close are you to finding me?” 

“I think I know what ship you’re on, I just have to locate it and get Snoke’s permission to take a few ships to come get you.”

“Permission? You’re the Commander of the First Order, just come get me already.” You looked at him confused, he should be able to do what he wants.

“I can’t just attack the Resistance without help, and I’ll need Snoke to lend me the men.” Kylo’s hand fell, no longer touching you. 

“And if he refuses? What then?” You searched Kylo’s eyes for an answer, but he had none.

“You’ll leave me here? Then what’s the point, I might as well go tell Admiral Holdo everything I know, at least then I wouldn’t have to be stuck in this room.”  
“I won’t leave you, I promise I’ll find you.”

“Unless Snoke tells you not to come. You know what, don’t bother coming to save me, I’ll find my own way out.” You stepped back from him, anger surging through you.  
“And I’ll do it without telling them anything about you, so don’t worry.” 

“I’m-“ Before he could finish you vanished, he could no longer feel or see you, you ended the connection. 

Kylo stood in silence, he knew you were right, he should just come get you, Snoke has already given his answer on getting you back. But he couldn’t take on the Resistance alone, and defying a direct order from Snoke would be suicide. He didn’t know what to do, the look in your eyes, the hurt he saw, the anger he felt, he knew he had to do something, leaving you there was not an option. 

You slumped against the wall, sliding down into the floor, how could he just abandon you? Maybe he really didn’t care about you, it was all a lie. Tears pooled in your eyes, how could you be so stupid to think Kylo Ren could care about anyone, especially a nobody like you. You let out soft sobs as the tears streamed down your face, just as they had when you first met Kylo, it seemed like a lifetime ago. Your sadness quickly turned to anger and determination, you had to come up with a plan to get out of here, all you needed was a ship and you’d find somewhere to go, far from the Resistance and the First Order, and Kylo Ren. Before you could do that you needed to get your strength up, there was no point in trying to escape with half your strength and energy, connecting with Kylo drained you, you decided to get some rest for the night. 

The next morning you awoke, feeling much better now that you were no longer waiting to be rescued and had decided to take matters into your own hands. The door to your room opened and the men from before were there, one held the blaster aimed at you, the other had a tray of food, just like last time. 

“Here.” He handed you the tray.

You grabbed it and started to eat, he turned to leave, “Wait, I want to help. You were right, he isn’t going to save me, so I need to save myself, I’d like to meet with Admiral Holdo.” 

“You’re serious?” 

“Yes, I’ve had time to think and this is my best option.” You finished up your food and handed the tray to the man.

“You’re making a good choice. Let’s go.” He offered you his hand and helped you stand up.

The man with the blaster walked behind you, this time they didn’t cuff your hands, which was their second mistake, their first was in believing you had changed your mind. They escorted you down a corridor and led you into a room with a long table and chairs seated around it. 

“Wait here, Vice Admiral Holdo will be with you shortly.” He turned and left, the man with the blaster remained.

After a few minutes Vice Admiral Holdo walked in, she sat at the table across from you. 

“You’re ready to help us?” She asked, lacing her fingers together on the table.

“Yes, but before I give you anything, I have a few requests.” 

“Alright, what do you want?”

“First, I want your assurance that no harm will come to me after I provide you with information. Second, I want a ship ready for me, and third, I want a map of the nearest habitable planets.” You sat back, waiting for her response.

“You have my word that all of your requests will be met.”

“One more thing, I want to be alone with you, the information I am going to share is highly classified, I feel as though you can be trusted, as for them, I’m not so sure.” You motioned towards the two men who escorted you in.

“I understand, if you two will step outside please.” She nodded at the men to leave.

They hesitated for a moment, but turned and left, the door closed behind them. You knew this was your only chance for escape, after this they would never trust you again, you had to make it count. 

“Also, I’d feel more comfortable if you’d place your blaster on the table.” 

“How do I know you are going to be truthful? You could just feed me a bunch of lies.” She asked as soon as the two men had exited.

“You don’t.” 

“That’s fair, why don’t we start with what you know about Kylo Ren.” 

You mulled your options over in you head, what to tell her, what to keep to yourself, if anything. You eyed the blaster from your peripherals, you had to distract her long enough for you to get your hands on it. 

“Kylo Ren is more complex than you can imagine, you shouldn’t under estimate him. Every move he makes is well calculated, planned out.”

“So what was his plan for you?” She never took her eyes off you.

“I think he just wanted someone to distract him, to keep him occupied.” You knew this was true, at first, but things changed as he began training you.

“You were right, when you said he denied me my freedom. I begged him, I begged for him to let me go, but he refused.” You looked down, forcing tears to spring to your eyes.

Vice Admiral Holdo’s face softened as she saw the tears begin to fall.

“I-I don’t have anyone, and he made me believe he cared for me, that he would protect me. That’s why I didn’t want to betray him, but it was all lies, he never cared for me, it was all fake to make me stay.” You began to sob.

She watched as you cried, your face reddened, her heart broke for you, that you had been through so much alone. She stood and walked around the table, standing behind you she placed her hands on your shoulders. 

“It’s alright, it’s going to be alright.” She continued to comfort you.

Your eyes shot up, you knew this was your chance, looking at the blaster, you slowly opened your hand and stretched it open, channeling the force you pulled the blaster to you, immediately turning it on Vice Admiral Holdo. She stepped back slowly, raising her hands. You wiped the tears from your face as you stood.

“Where’s my ship?”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You were still aboard the Resistance ship, trying to find a way out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for this taking me so long to update, I got a little bit of writer's block with this story, but here it is. Let me know what you think.

You held the blaster aimed for Vice Admiral Holdo, you knew you had to get out quickly before someone came to check on her.

“Where is my ship?” You asked again.

“It should be in the Hangar, Bay 5. You don’t have to do this.”

“I-“ Your attention turned to the door before you could finish.

There was a thump outside the door, you aimed the blaster to the door, worried it was someone coming for Admiral Holdo. The door opened and you fired a shot, you froze when you saw the beam from the blaster staying still in midair, you looked to the door to see that familiar gloved hand raised toward the beam. Your heart leapt up into your throat, as you stood in silence.

“K-Kylo…” You whispered, not believing your eyes.

He moved out of the way of the beam and let it hit the wall behind him before entering the room. He towered over you, looking over your body, checking for any injuries.

“What do you want?” He turned his gaze to Admiral Holdo.

“W-What?” She was still confused as to what was happening.

“What do you want for her?”

“Y-You’re negotiating? For her?”

“Yes. What do you want for her release?”

“Hey, I don’t need you to negotiate for my release, if you didn’t notice I’m the one with the blaster and I was doing just fine before you got here.” You were annoyed he was trying to save you, you were saving yourself.

“And what was your plan once you left this room? Do you even know where the Hangar is?”

“I-I had a plan. I was going to have her lead me to it.” 

“And what would you have done when they surrounded you?” 

“I-I would- What are you even doing here? You said Snoke had to approve your rescue mission first. Did he?”

“No, not exactly. I told you I’d save you.”

“Well I don’t need saving, so you can go now.” You mentioned for him to leave.

“That’s not how this works, I’m here now so I’m saving you.” His eyes were stern, you knew there would be no point in arguing.

“Fine, if you insist on staying you can watch me save myself.” You approached Admiral Holdo, aiming the blaster at her. 

“How do I get to the Hangar?” 

“It’s on deck-“

“She’s probably going to send us straight into a trap.”

“This is my rescue mission, so please keep your comments to yourself.” You shot him a side-eyed look, keeping the blaster pointed at Admiral Holdo.

You knew he was right though and decided to access one of the interfaces on the wall to find a layout of the ship, it would be easier and more trustworthy than Admiral Holdo. 

“Here, hold this, keep it pointed at her.” You tried to hand him the blaster.

Kylo gave you a confused look, “I don’t need it.” You remembered he could just use the force to choke her out if he wanted to, you placed the blaster on the table.

You turned to the interface, pressing a few buttons, finally finding the ship schematics, the hangar was on deck 4.

“We need to go to deck 4, let’s go.” You picked the blaster up off the table.

“And what about her?” 

“Um… We can-“ Before you could complete your sentence Kylo had raised his hand and Vice Admiral Holdo became unconscious, falling to the floor.

“Let’s go.” He stood waiting at the door as you stared at the woman in the floor.

You picked up the blaster and followed him out the door into the hall. You looked around and saw the men Kylo had incapacitated on his way in, he really didn’t care about killing, you began to wonder about what his body count was and made a point to ask him about it later. You entered the turbolift beside Kylo, the doors closed as you made your way down to deck 4. Without notice Kylo attacked you, his hands grabbing at your body, lips pressing into yours firmly, his tongue exploring your mouth like it was the first time you kissed. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him closer to you, pressing your body against his, feeling his muscles as he held you. When he finally broke the kiss you were both breathless.

“I’ve missed you.” He said against your lips, his hand tangled in your hair.

“I missed you too. Let’s get out of here before we start celebrating.”

The turbolift stopped and the doors opened, you were greeted by about 10 Resistance fighters. You looked at Kylo who had already armed his lightsaber, his eyes were intense, you armed your blaster and ran for cover behind a stack of boxes. Kylo ran straight into the group, swinging his lightsaber with a ferocity, cutting down men left and right. You fired your blaster, hitting several people, you ran out of cover still shooting. Kylo was fighting when you saw someone aiming for him with a blaster, you tried to shoot but yours was empty. Kylo’s eyes met yours, you tried to warn him but he didn’t see the man, you ran towards him, panic in your eyes, the man fired the blaster. Time seemed to slow down, you saw Kylo kill two men, slicing through them with his lightsaber before looking at you, his eyes went wide, you didn’t see it, but you felt it, the beam hit you in your stomach. The man had turned his attention to you as you ran towards Kylo, the shot echoed even through all of the other noise. Kylo immediately turned to the man, snapping his neck in an instant with the force. You fell to the floor, pain radiating throughout your body, Kylo ran over to your side, dropping to his knees and pulling you into his lap. 

“Hey, look at me, you’re going to be ok.” He tapped your face, trying to pull you back into consciousness, his voice strangled and filled with worry.

“I-I’m so sorry, Kylo. I-I love…” You lifted your hand weakly, reaching up and touching Kylo’s cheek, your eyes closed as you passed out.

“No, no, no, no. You can’t die!” He shook your motionless body.

Kylo held you in his arms, pleading with you to wake up, but you couldn’t. He stood, holding you, and carried you to the ship.

“K-Kylo…” your voice was hoarse, you struggled to open your eyes. 

You looked around the ship, seeing Kylo at the front, he looked worried, upset, you wanted to comfort him, but you couldn’t move. You swayed in and out of consciousness, sensing Kylo’s distress.

“Please hold on, just a little longer.” His voice was strained.

You weren’t sure if he was talking to you or just pleading in general, you wanted to hold on for him, to stay with him, but you could feel yourself slipping into the void. You closed your eyes again, just for a moment, you told yourself.

You were surrounded by darkness, you couldn’t see anything, you started to panic, until you saw a familiar figure, kneeling on the ground. You slowly walked toward him, standing over him as he looked down.

“Kylo?” You spoke, your voice echoing through the darkness.

He didn’t look up, it was like he didn’t hear you, you knelt down in front of him, his gaze never moved from the floor. You cupped his face, guiding his gaze up to meet yours.

“Kylo?” 

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, tears pooling in his eyes.

“Sorry? For wh-?”

Before you could finish you felt his lightsaber cut through your stomach, you looked down, seeing the beam coming through your body, but it was coming from behind. You turned to see Kylo standing behind you, holding the lightsaber, hatred burning in his eyes. You started to panic, you looked back at the Kylo sitting in the floor in front of you, he looked broken, he reached his hand up to touch your face, but soon faded away.

You sat up in an instant, sweating and breathing heavy, you winced in pain at your stomach, looking down you saw bandages around you. Your hand lightly touched it, it’s the same spot Kylo’s lightsaber cut you. The last thing you remembered was getting shot, but nothing after that, other than waning in and out of consciousness and that weird dream. You pulled the blanket off of you and moved to get out of the bed, you needed to find Kylo. As soon as your feet hit the floor Kylo had opened the door. 

“Oh, no, get back in bed, now.” He pointed towards the bed.

You wanted to protest but knew he would win, you scooted back and complied, sitting back on the bed. Kylo walked towards you and pulled the blanket back over you. 

“How are you?” He asked looking down at your bandages.

“I feel like I’ve been trampled by a herd of Bantha, but other than that I’m fine.” You smiled slightly.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better. You’ve been in and out all week.” He reached up, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear.

“A week? What have you been doing all that time?” He looked like he hadn’t had a full night’s sleep in a while.

“I’ve been waiting for you to wake up. And I’ve been training some.” 

“Well, I’m awake now, can I come back to our quarters?” You wanted to be back in your own room. 

“I’m not sure, I didn’t want you moving too much. You almost didn’t make it.” 

“Please?” You begged, looking up at him.

“We’ll see. You need to get some more rest.” 

You laid back down in the bed, the movement made you wince slightly. Kylo placed a kiss on your forehead before leaving. You stayed in the med bay for another day before Kylo finally agreed to let you be moved to your quarters. He carried you there, refusing to let you walk. He placed you on the bed with such gentleness, trying not to jostle you around too much.

“Do you need anything?” he asked, pulling the blanket over you.

You leaned forward and pressed your lips to his, bringing one hand behind his head, pulling him closer, trying to deepen the kiss, you missed the taste of him. Kylo pulled back after a moment.

“No, I want more.” You pouted outwardly.

“We can’t, you’re still healing. I don’t want to hurt you.” He stepped back from you.

“You won’t hurt me, Kylo please? We’ve been apart for so long. I need you.”

“No. Now get some rest.” His voice was stern. 

The next few days were frustrating, Kylo wouldn’t let you get out of the bed by yourself or move around the room without his help. You thought spending all this time with him would at least warrant some bonding, getting closer, but no, he was even more closed off than normal. He had even resorted to sleeping somewhere else, he said he didn’t want to sleep next to you and accidentally hurt you, but you knew something else was going on. 

“Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow. Let me know if you need anything.” Kylo kissed your forehead and went to leave.

“Wait, I want to know what’s wrong?” You pulled yourself up in the bed, sitting up.

“What do you mean?” He turned back to you.

“You were all excited to see me and kissing me back on the Resistance’s ship, but now you’re so distant. You don’t sleep in here and beside kissing me on the head and carrying me everywhere, you’ve been recoiling from my touch. We were so in sync with each other, bonded, but now- I don’t know. Did I do something?” Your brow creased in confusion.

“No, you didn’t do anything. I-I just feel responsible for what happened to you. You got hurt because of me, you almost died because of me. I knew you would get hurt being with me.” He stood next to the bed. 

You looked up at him, you could see the struggle in his eyes, the guilt. He really felt like it was his fault, but there was something more.

“I chose to run out of cover, I was trying to save you. It was my choice, you didn’t cause anything.” You reached for his hand, but he moved away.

“Why won’t you let me touch you?” Your heart sank in your chest.

“Things have changed. You need to make a decision. When I left to rescue you, I did so in direct violation of Snoke’s orders. When I returned he was not pleased with me, and almost had me killed. He agreed to let me keep my title and position within the First Order if-“ He paused, hesitant to continue.

“If? If what?” You looked at him confused.

“If you agree to join the First Order and pledge your loyalty to the Dark Side.” You could feel his unease.

“Okay, that doesn’t sound too bad, I mean I don’t have any family or anything to worry about and you were going to train me anyways. Why does this seem bad to you?”

“It would mean you will be at Snoke’s will, whatever he wants to do with you, he can. I fear he will put you in danger to harm me. It was different before, but now, the way I felt when I thought you had died, he can use you against me.” You could tell he was conflicted.

“What happens if I don’t agree?” You weren’t sure if you could join the First order, knowing you’d be under Snoke’s control.

“Most likely you’ll be sold into slavery, if not killed, and I will be stripped of my position and killed.” 

“So my options are Dark Side or death? Not much of a choice. Will you still train me and will we still… be together?” You looked up at him hopeful.

“I will still be able to train with you and he did not forbid our being together outright. This is not a decision you need to make right now, you’re still healing from your wounds.”

“It’s just a gaping hole in my body, I’m fine. And my answer is ‘yes’, I’ll join.”

“You’re sure?” There was still worry in his voice.

“Yeah, what do I have to lose? Besides my free will and possibly my life?” You smirked at him, hoping to lighten the mood some.

Kylo moved closer to you, cupping your face in his hands, he stared into your eyes, searching for any doubt in your mind, of course you had some, but you were sure you were making the right choice. Kylo leaned forward, his lips almost touching yours, but he hesitated for a moment before kissing you deeply. He held your face still, your lips connected, with just a kiss he lit your entire body on fire, you wanted more. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer, Kylo momentarily forgot about your injury and moved his hands down your body, skimming his hand over your stomach, you pulled back in pain.

“We can’t do this, not until you’re healed up.” He stepped back.

“No, I need this, Kylo. I need to feel close to you again. Please?” You begged him, this was something you desperately needed from him, you needed to know he still cared for you and this was the only way he would show it.

“Alright, but we’re taking it slow and if I think it’s too much on you then we’re going to stop. Understand?”

You smiled and nodded your head. Kylo removed his shoes and pulled his shirt off over his head, you forgot how muscular and toned he was, you wanted nothing more than to run your hands and tongue over every inch of his broad chest, but you knew you didn’t have the strength for that right now and would have to wait. After he removed his pants he climbed into the bed next to you, he laid back and grabbed your hand, easily guiding you to straddle his waist. You threw one leg over him, the stretching motion pulled at your wound and you sighed a little at the discomfort. Kylo’s eyes were intense and fixed on you, if he sensed any pain he would surely stop you. You reached down and tried to take your shirt off but stopped, worried about stretching your arms over your head.

“Here, let me help.” Kylo grabbed the hem of your shirt, slowly lifting it, his hands skimming your sides lightly as he went.

You held your arms straight as he pulled the shirt over your head and then over your arms, tossing it to the floor. His gaze left yours as he stared at your bandages, they wrapped around your stomach tightly. You could tell he was starting to feel guilty again and reconsider, you grabbed his large hands and brought them up to your face, placing soft kisses across his knuckles, bringing his attention back to you. His face softened as he watched you kissing him so tenderly, when you finished he brought his hand up to caress your cheek gently, he had missed the feel of your skin. His gaze moved lower to your breasts, how he missed those as well, remembering the night before you were taken when he made you come just by touching your nipples. His hands skimmed down your chest, cupping each breast in his large hands, he gently kneaded each one and rolled your nipples between his fingers. You leaned your head back, moaning in response, his touch was firm, but soft at the same time, you could feel a heat pooling between your thighs. You hadn’t noticed, but Kylo did, you had started to grind your hips down on him, moving ever so lightly, your movements made it hard for him not to throw you onto the bed and take you right then, but he knew he needed to be gentle with you.

“Stop moving or this will end way too quickly and with you being hurt.” He commanded you.

You halted your movements, noticing how hard he was already beneath you. Kylo’s hands left your breasts and gripped your thighs, running his hands up and down them gently.

“Kylo…” You begged, needing more.

“We need to go slow. I don’t want to hurt you.” His hands moving up to the apex of your thighs.

His thumb pressed into the fabric of your panties, feeling the wetness you already had, rubbing over your clit. You bucked your hips in response, immediately regretting that action as pain shot through your core. Kylo pulled his hands back from you.

“We should stop.” Kylo said as he stared at your bandages, afraid of hurting you.

“No, please keep going. I just need to go slow. Please, Kylo?” You really didn’t want to stop now.

Kylo couldn’t deny you, he placed his hands back on your thighs, moving them up he grabbed the waist band of your panties. He looked hesitant for a moment, unsure of what to do, normally he would have just ripped them off you, but that could cause you pain.

“Rip them gently.” You suggested.

Kylo considered your words for a moment before grabbed one side of your waist band and tearing it, then grabbing the other side and doing the same. He pulled your ruined underwear from you and tossed them aside. Finally you were completely naked, he looked over your soft skin, wondering how bad your scar would be once you healed completely. Without warning he slid two fingers into your slick folds, rubbing gently back and forth.

“Always ready for me.” His thumb rubbed circles around your clit.

You couldn’t wait any longer, you needed him, you reached down between you two, pulling his hardened cock from his underwear, squeezing it lightly in your hand. You had forgotten how big he was, you ached for him to fill you completely. Kylo groaned under your touch as you began to stroke him slowly. You moved up a little, removing your hand from him and slowly started to rub yourself over his cock. He grabbed your hips, guiding your movements, never letting you move to quickly. Each time your clit rubbed against his cock you moaned in response. He knew he needed to go slow with you, but he wanted to feel you wrapped around him so badly. He stopped your movements, helping you raise up slightly, he guided his cock to your opening.

“Are you ready?” He asked one more time, making sure you wanted to continue.

“Yes, please keep going.” You were breathless already.

Kylo held your hips, slowly lowering you down onto him, the tip of his cock entered you effortlessly, you gasped at the feeling, but wanted more. You tried to lower yourself faster, but he held firm, not letting you. He pulled you down a little more, easing into you inch by perfect inch. You felt so good around him, warm and tight, he missed this feeling and reveled in it. After a few minutes of slowly entering you, you were finally filled to the hilt. You began to slowly rock your hips, needing some kind of movement, Kylo’s hands still held you but he let you move, making sure you weren’t going to fast. You steadied yourself with your hands on his chest, his skin was so warm, with each move of your hips you felt a small tinge of pain, but you didn’t want to stop. 

“Kylo… I-I need…” You panted, already overwhelmed and needing release, you knew he needed it too by how tightly he was holding onto you, his fingers digging into your skin.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” He was growing frustrated; your slow movements and begging were driving him crazy.

“I don’t care… Please…” You pleaded with him, breathless.

“Fine.” He growled.

Suddenly he pulled you down to him, your chest flush with his, you cried out in pain but didn’t care, he began thrusting into you harder and faster, pushing you to the edge. You moaned his name loudly as he held you tightly against him. He continued pounding into you, your muscles clenched around him as you got closer and closer to your release, the wound in your stomach ached as sharp pains shot through you, he knew it, he could sense your pain, but he didn’t relent. 

“Please…” Kylo begged, you knew what he was asking.

Within a few more thrusts you felt your orgasm hit you hard, waves of pleasure rolling through your body, outweighing the pain you were feeling. Kylo held you tight against him as your body shook and trembled, he soon found his own release deep within you, stilling his movements. You breathed heavily against him as his grip on you loosened, both of your bodies covered in sweat. Kylo pulled himself out of you easily and helped guide you back down to the bed beside him. Your breathing began to steady, you looked over at Kylo who was already staring at you intensely. 

“What?” You looked at him confused.

“I’ve missed you.” He said before attacking your lips with his again, cupping your face, deepening the kiss.


End file.
